22 / 7 Up above
Day dreaming. Dreaming of the unlikely. Lying back on the beach watching the sky. Blue, glorious blue, apart from the three planes flying high creating vapour trails.
The vapour trails formed an upside down “U” – or Pi. So yes dreaming. Just idly thinking how good it would be to have sensible television programmes with no excessive noise, no spurious sounds, and no blaring, so-called music. Programmes where you could hear clear dialogue and have images that don’t flash, zoom and pan so fast you feel dizzy.
Just dreaming. Like the jet streams - just Pi in the sky.
Monday 14 June 2010
Asparagus Waving
Asparagus Waving
If you didn’t already know, you may be excited to learn that in parts of the Mediterranean they believe the great Greek God Zeus used Asparagines (with a soft g) as a mood enhancer when wooing Goddess’s and mortals.
The road between Opatija and Rebac on the east coast of Istria is not straight. It has bends; it has no hard shoulder; just a sheer drop into the Adriatic - a scenic route. A route favoured by Harley Davidson motorcyclists with customised, painted and polished machines, fat wheels and a penchant for practicing their alternate inclinations from the vertical at some speed.
During the spring, at random intervals along this route a man will step into the road waving his Asparagines (with a soft g). It would appear that such men waving their Asparagines (with a soft g) are trying to lure motorists into a screaming, screeching or wobbly halt and part with his or her Kuna’s in exchange for a bunch of Asparagines (with a soft g) thereby heightening the emotional experience of Gods and mortals.
The locals, tourists and HD riders may feel either moved or duped by the exchange. It is a strange world in which we live. Made stranger by the Gods.
The Gods at the BBC try to move us mere mortals in different ways; with tomatoes (little t), music and noises. For example, in an episode of Horizon this year the BBC had computer generated tomatoes (little t) dancing across the screen to the sound of very loud noises (Repeatedly, with a cap R). I cannot even remember the subject of the episode – I only remember the tomatoes (little t) and the noise. Perhaps the Gods at the BBC are trying to tell us something beyond our understanding: to move us in mysterious ways. If they would just blow raspberries (with a silent p) at us, we would know we are being taken for a ride and driven round the bend
As it is, I can only cast asparagines (with a soft g).
If you didn’t already know, you may be excited to learn that in parts of the Mediterranean they believe the great Greek God Zeus used Asparagines (with a soft g) as a mood enhancer when wooing Goddess’s and mortals.
The road between Opatija and Rebac on the east coast of Istria is not straight. It has bends; it has no hard shoulder; just a sheer drop into the Adriatic - a scenic route. A route favoured by Harley Davidson motorcyclists with customised, painted and polished machines, fat wheels and a penchant for practicing their alternate inclinations from the vertical at some speed.
During the spring, at random intervals along this route a man will step into the road waving his Asparagines (with a soft g). It would appear that such men waving their Asparagines (with a soft g) are trying to lure motorists into a screaming, screeching or wobbly halt and part with his or her Kuna’s in exchange for a bunch of Asparagines (with a soft g) thereby heightening the emotional experience of Gods and mortals.
The locals, tourists and HD riders may feel either moved or duped by the exchange. It is a strange world in which we live. Made stranger by the Gods.
The Gods at the BBC try to move us mere mortals in different ways; with tomatoes (little t), music and noises. For example, in an episode of Horizon this year the BBC had computer generated tomatoes (little t) dancing across the screen to the sound of very loud noises (Repeatedly, with a cap R). I cannot even remember the subject of the episode – I only remember the tomatoes (little t) and the noise. Perhaps the Gods at the BBC are trying to tell us something beyond our understanding: to move us in mysterious ways. If they would just blow raspberries (with a silent p) at us, we would know we are being taken for a ride and driven round the bend
As it is, I can only cast asparagines (with a soft g).
Friday 23 April 2010
Loadsa Money
Loadsa money
Bulging Budget Corporation, aka BBC, has a big budget to spend every year.
Usually large organisations allot a budget for a department or project each year and the following year the budget is expected to increase with or above inflation. Each department will guard its allotment budget fiercely – and here is the irony – even if they don’t need it.
So, if after counting their coins for a project they have some pennies left over, the excess amount will be spent on whatever – just to show that all the money was needed and to obviate a reduction in allowance next year.
The accumulation of excess cash can buy orchestras, pianos, guitars, violins, didgeridoos, bongos, tom toms, whistles, and even enormous organs.
Also the money coming in is guaranteed safer than any bank investment.
When you have safe spondulicks like that, boy, you can party. You can party in the name of entertainment. You can party so loud you can’t hear when your punters have a request. All that money. All those riches. All that power.
Loadsa money, loadsa noise, loadsa music. Yah –hooo. We –heee.
.
Bulging Budget Corporation, aka BBC, has a big budget to spend every year.
Usually large organisations allot a budget for a department or project each year and the following year the budget is expected to increase with or above inflation. Each department will guard its allotment budget fiercely – and here is the irony – even if they don’t need it.
So, if after counting their coins for a project they have some pennies left over, the excess amount will be spent on whatever – just to show that all the money was needed and to obviate a reduction in allowance next year.
The accumulation of excess cash can buy orchestras, pianos, guitars, violins, didgeridoos, bongos, tom toms, whistles, and even enormous organs.
Also the money coming in is guaranteed safer than any bank investment.
When you have safe spondulicks like that, boy, you can party. You can party in the name of entertainment. You can party so loud you can’t hear when your punters have a request. All that money. All those riches. All that power.
Loadsa money, loadsa noise, loadsa music. Yah –hooo. We –heee.
.
Thursday 22 April 2010
Eruptions
Eruptions
Explosions and bangs. That’s what you get with volcanoes.
The BBC put on a programme last night (pre-recorded presumably) in light of the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland.
I hadn’t planned to watch this but I found it very interesting and informative.
It would not be authentic to create such a topic without the obvious sounds of crashing explosions. What I found amazing was that despite the expected and appropriate loud bangs and flashes the dialogue was clear and easily understandable. Whenever there was narration the sounds were dimmed down.
It would be really ground breaking if the BBC could sustain this quality.
Explosions and bangs. That’s what you get with volcanoes.
The BBC put on a programme last night (pre-recorded presumably) in light of the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland.
I hadn’t planned to watch this but I found it very interesting and informative.
It would not be authentic to create such a topic without the obvious sounds of crashing explosions. What I found amazing was that despite the expected and appropriate loud bangs and flashes the dialogue was clear and easily understandable. Whenever there was narration the sounds were dimmed down.
It would be really ground breaking if the BBC could sustain this quality.
Magic
Magic
The BBC are brilliant at creating the illusion of clever programmes with rolling hills, coastal scenes, aerial views, forest glades, desert plains, seascapes, river routes, country tours, city streets, wildlife wonders. The trick the Beeb try to fool us with is that there is music everywhere.
We know there isn’t music everywhere. It amazes me that they fool so many. The people who are fooled actually know they are being fooled and to me shows how stupid they must be to accept being fooled. The BBC are successful in insulting the stupid and getting away with it.
Now that’s Magic
The BBC are brilliant at creating the illusion of clever programmes with rolling hills, coastal scenes, aerial views, forest glades, desert plains, seascapes, river routes, country tours, city streets, wildlife wonders. The trick the Beeb try to fool us with is that there is music everywhere.
We know there isn’t music everywhere. It amazes me that they fool so many. The people who are fooled actually know they are being fooled and to me shows how stupid they must be to accept being fooled. The BBC are successful in insulting the stupid and getting away with it.
Now that’s Magic
Wednesday 17 March 2010
Invisible Worlds
Richard Hammond, bless him, tried hard. He tried hard to take a high-tech look at the world around us. Richard was tall enough.
Director Gavin Maxwell however, did not have the stature to reach even the mediocre.
High-speed cameras, close ups and slow motion work should be the silk purse of subjects. Gavin Maxwell turned this into a pigs-ear of ugly proportions. The pig should have been deaf.
Shame is too good for a director who trashes the time, care, patience and expense of the supporting creators of this programme.
There was one noise amid the general cacophony that actually hurt.
In a better world it would have been less audible.
_________________________________________
Broadcast Tuesday 6 March 9pm 2010 BBC1
Director Gavin Maxwell however, did not have the stature to reach even the mediocre.
High-speed cameras, close ups and slow motion work should be the silk purse of subjects. Gavin Maxwell turned this into a pigs-ear of ugly proportions. The pig should have been deaf.
Shame is too good for a director who trashes the time, care, patience and expense of the supporting creators of this programme.
There was one noise amid the general cacophony that actually hurt.
In a better world it would have been less audible.
_________________________________________
Broadcast Tuesday 6 March 9pm 2010 BBC1
Sunday 14 March 2010
The Foney Programme
The BBC’s report on the countries credit crisis had angered the men in the financial sector.
The big bangs, loud crunches, trumpet blasts and massed melodica musical moans over the narration of the important issues of the week had resulted in the misinterpretation of the dialogue.
It had been reported that mark had been up against dolly while frank had a yen for florens. The buck had gone down on penny and was hard up against the groat. The market had stirred to a record high since last Tuesday and was expected to rise again when the draws dropped. The situation was described as incontinent.
Political correctness demanded that an apology be transpitted.
The programme will be repotted on aPlayer and availabe for doomload from the BBC websuit.
The financial sector was furious with the BBC and said it was most insulted when they were actually called City Bankers.
A violin Lamont played the programme out.
.
The big bangs, loud crunches, trumpet blasts and massed melodica musical moans over the narration of the important issues of the week had resulted in the misinterpretation of the dialogue.
It had been reported that mark had been up against dolly while frank had a yen for florens. The buck had gone down on penny and was hard up against the groat. The market had stirred to a record high since last Tuesday and was expected to rise again when the draws dropped. The situation was described as incontinent.
Political correctness demanded that an apology be transpitted.
The programme will be repotted on aPlayer and availabe for doomload from the BBC websuit.
The financial sector was furious with the BBC and said it was most insulted when they were actually called City Bankers.
A violin Lamont played the programme out.
.
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