Loadsa Money

Loadsa money

Bulging Budget Corporation, aka BBC, has a big budget to spend every year.

Usually large organisations allot a budget for a department or project each year and the following year the budget is expected to increase with or above inflation. Each department will guard its allotment budget fiercely – and here is the irony – even if they don’t need it.

So, if after counting their coins for a project they have some pennies left over, the excess amount will be spent on whatever – just to show that all the money was needed and to obviate a reduction in allowance next year.

The accumulation of excess cash can buy orchestras, pianos, guitars, violins, didgeridoos, bongos, tom toms, whistles, and even enormous organs.

Also the money coming in is guaranteed safer than any bank investment.
When you have safe spondulicks like that, boy, you can party. You can party in the name of entertainment. You can party so loud you can’t hear when your punters have a request. All that money. All those riches. All that power.

Loadsa money, loadsa noise, loadsa music. Yah –hooo. We –heee.
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Eruptions

Eruptions
Explosions and bangs. That’s what you get with volcanoes.
The BBC put on a programme last night (pre-recorded presumably) in light of the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland.

I hadn’t planned to watch this but I found it very interesting and informative.
It would not be authentic to create such a topic without the obvious sounds of crashing explosions. What I found amazing was that despite the expected and appropriate loud bangs and flashes the dialogue was clear and easily understandable. Whenever there was narration the sounds were dimmed down.

It would be really ground breaking if the BBC could sustain this quality.

Magic

Magic

The BBC are brilliant at creating the illusion of clever programmes with rolling hills, coastal scenes, aerial views, forest glades, desert plains, seascapes, river routes, country tours, city streets, wildlife wonders. The trick the Beeb try to fool us with is that there is music everywhere.

We know there isn’t music everywhere. It amazes me that they fool so many. The people who are fooled actually know they are being fooled and to me shows how stupid they must be to accept being fooled. The BBC are successful in insulting the stupid and getting away with it.

Now that’s Magic

Invisible Worlds

Richard Hammond, bless him, tried hard. He tried hard to take a high-tech look at the world around us. Richard was tall enough.

Director Gavin Maxwell however, did not have the stature to reach even the mediocre.

High-speed cameras, close ups and slow motion work should be the silk purse of subjects. Gavin Maxwell turned this into a pigs-ear of ugly proportions. The pig should have been deaf.

Shame is too good for a director who trashes the time, care, patience and expense of the supporting creators of this programme.

There was one noise amid the general cacophony that actually hurt.

In a better world it would have been less audible.
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Broadcast Tuesday 6 March 9pm 2010 BBC1

The Foney Programme

The BBC’s report on the countries credit crisis had angered the men in the financial sector.

The big bangs, loud crunches, trumpet blasts and massed melodica musical moans over the narration of the important issues of the week had resulted in the misinterpretation of the dialogue.

It had been reported that mark had been up against dolly while frank had a yen for florens. The buck had gone down on penny and was hard up against the groat. The market had stirred to a record high since last Tuesday and was expected to rise again when the draws dropped. The situation was described as incontinent.

Political correctness demanded that an apology be transpitted.
The programme will be repotted on aPlayer and availabe for doomload from the BBC websuit.

The financial sector was furious with the BBC and said it was most insulted when they were actually called City Bankers.

A violin Lamont played the programme out.
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Child to Mom

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“Mommy, Mommy, what is silence?”
“Quite dear, I’m trying to watch television.”
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“Mom, did the television really fry dads brain?”
“Quiet dear and eat your crisps.”
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“Mom, why do they make so much noise on the television?”

"Well dear, there are people at the BBC who are just a bit silly in the head and have nothing else to do. And their very kind bosses give them lots of money to play with those toys.”

“Why though, mom?”

“Just go back in your room dear and put your helmet on.”
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We just don't know - Horizon - March 2010

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We just don’t know

Two minutes at most could have explained that mathematicians, physicists, etc know nothing about the universe. They talked for an hour about the big bang theory (of course it is just a theory) about dark matter that might or might not exist and dark energy that might or might not exist.

Amidst the talk of stuff that may not exist were images repeated time and time again and with music and noises repeated time and time again just to keep us from falling asleep. Total about 4 minutes repeated and padded to 1 hour.

The final message was “We just don’t know.”

This was Horizon and new theories of the universe.

These were the people responsible:
Director Rob Liddell
Producer Rob Liddell
Executive Producer Andrew Cohen

This programme must have cost many thousands of pounds to produce and as a licence payer I consider this a misappropriation of funds.

It was a waste of viewers’ time and an insult to intelligence.
The promotion of the programme is full of promise; the programme full of rubbish. I will never watch Horizon again.

Horizon has past its sell by date and is a sorry and tired tool.

Now, I don’t want to know.
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