Richard Hammond, bless him, tried hard. He tried hard to take a high-tech look at the world around us. Richard was tall enough.
Director Gavin Maxwell however, did not have the stature to reach even the mediocre.
High-speed cameras, close ups and slow motion work should be the silk purse of subjects. Gavin Maxwell turned this into a pigs-ear of ugly proportions. The pig should have been deaf.
Shame is too good for a director who trashes the time, care, patience and expense of the supporting creators of this programme.
There was one noise amid the general cacophony that actually hurt.
In a better world it would have been less audible.
_________________________________________
Broadcast Tuesday 6 March 9pm 2010 BBC1
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Sunday, 14 March 2010
The Foney Programme
The BBC’s report on the countries credit crisis had angered the men in the financial sector.
The big bangs, loud crunches, trumpet blasts and massed melodica musical moans over the narration of the important issues of the week had resulted in the misinterpretation of the dialogue.
It had been reported that mark had been up against dolly while frank had a yen for florens. The buck had gone down on penny and was hard up against the groat. The market had stirred to a record high since last Tuesday and was expected to rise again when the draws dropped. The situation was described as incontinent.
Political correctness demanded that an apology be transpitted.
The programme will be repotted on aPlayer and availabe for doomload from the BBC websuit.
The financial sector was furious with the BBC and said it was most insulted when they were actually called City Bankers.
A violin Lamont played the programme out.
.
The big bangs, loud crunches, trumpet blasts and massed melodica musical moans over the narration of the important issues of the week had resulted in the misinterpretation of the dialogue.
It had been reported that mark had been up against dolly while frank had a yen for florens. The buck had gone down on penny and was hard up against the groat. The market had stirred to a record high since last Tuesday and was expected to rise again when the draws dropped. The situation was described as incontinent.
Political correctness demanded that an apology be transpitted.
The programme will be repotted on aPlayer and availabe for doomload from the BBC websuit.
The financial sector was furious with the BBC and said it was most insulted when they were actually called City Bankers.
A violin Lamont played the programme out.
.
Child to Mom
.
“Mommy, Mommy, what is silence?”
“Quite dear, I’m trying to watch television.”
.
__________________________________________
.
“Mom, did the television really fry dads brain?”
“Quiet dear and eat your crisps.”
.
__________________________________________
.
“Mom, why do they make so much noise on the television?”
"Well dear, there are people at the BBC who are just a bit silly in the head and have nothing else to do. And their very kind bosses give them lots of money to play with those toys.”
“Why though, mom?”
“Just go back in your room dear and put your helmet on.”
.
“Mommy, Mommy, what is silence?”
“Quite dear, I’m trying to watch television.”
.
__________________________________________
.
“Mom, did the television really fry dads brain?”
“Quiet dear and eat your crisps.”
.
__________________________________________
.
“Mom, why do they make so much noise on the television?”
"Well dear, there are people at the BBC who are just a bit silly in the head and have nothing else to do. And their very kind bosses give them lots of money to play with those toys.”
“Why though, mom?”
“Just go back in your room dear and put your helmet on.”
.
We just don't know - Horizon - March 2010
.
We just don’t know
Two minutes at most could have explained that mathematicians, physicists, etc know nothing about the universe. They talked for an hour about the big bang theory (of course it is just a theory) about dark matter that might or might not exist and dark energy that might or might not exist.
Amidst the talk of stuff that may not exist were images repeated time and time again and with music and noises repeated time and time again just to keep us from falling asleep. Total about 4 minutes repeated and padded to 1 hour.
The final message was “We just don’t know.”
This was Horizon and new theories of the universe.
These were the people responsible:
Director Rob Liddell
Producer Rob Liddell
Executive Producer Andrew Cohen
This programme must have cost many thousands of pounds to produce and as a licence payer I consider this a misappropriation of funds.
It was a waste of viewers’ time and an insult to intelligence.
The promotion of the programme is full of promise; the programme full of rubbish. I will never watch Horizon again.
Horizon has past its sell by date and is a sorry and tired tool.
Now, I don’t want to know.
.
We just don’t know
Two minutes at most could have explained that mathematicians, physicists, etc know nothing about the universe. They talked for an hour about the big bang theory (of course it is just a theory) about dark matter that might or might not exist and dark energy that might or might not exist.
Amidst the talk of stuff that may not exist were images repeated time and time again and with music and noises repeated time and time again just to keep us from falling asleep. Total about 4 minutes repeated and padded to 1 hour.
The final message was “We just don’t know.”
This was Horizon and new theories of the universe.
These were the people responsible:
Director Rob Liddell
Producer Rob Liddell
Executive Producer Andrew Cohen
This programme must have cost many thousands of pounds to produce and as a licence payer I consider this a misappropriation of funds.
It was a waste of viewers’ time and an insult to intelligence.
The promotion of the programme is full of promise; the programme full of rubbish. I will never watch Horizon again.
Horizon has past its sell by date and is a sorry and tired tool.
Now, I don’t want to know.
.
Lessons
Lessons
Parent of pupils at Upper Downings Primamary School were protesting today about the schools poor performance. OFSTEAR inspectors had proclaimed the school had the lowest rating in the league tables for performance.
The headmaster was critisised for insisting that music be played during lessons in order to improve the childrens learning. He said that the music helped improve the brain function of the children and it added mood and theme to lessons. He admitted that he had got the idea from the unaccountable broadcating corporation.
The parents demanded that the practice stop as their children had been unable to concentrate on the subjects being taught. Furthermore, the practice had trivialised essential subjects such as reading writing and arithmetic because the children couln’t hear the teachers voice.
The school finally agreed to stop the practice and children would now learn their lessons with no background music.
Lessons learned?
.
Parent of pupils at Upper Downings Primamary School were protesting today about the schools poor performance. OFSTEAR inspectors had proclaimed the school had the lowest rating in the league tables for performance.
The headmaster was critisised for insisting that music be played during lessons in order to improve the childrens learning. He said that the music helped improve the brain function of the children and it added mood and theme to lessons. He admitted that he had got the idea from the unaccountable broadcating corporation.
The parents demanded that the practice stop as their children had been unable to concentrate on the subjects being taught. Furthermore, the practice had trivialised essential subjects such as reading writing and arithmetic because the children couln’t hear the teachers voice.
The school finally agreed to stop the practice and children would now learn their lessons with no background music.
Lessons learned?
.
Art Form
.
The producers of television documentaries and educational programmes consider their work an art form. It is a sophisticated and highly skilled art form.
The producers themselves will wish to improve their quality for their own pride.
Artists and creative people live to be praised for their work.
Meanwhile we will name and shame them for their current bad production habits.
The producers of television documentaries and educational programmes consider their work an art form. It is a sophisticated and highly skilled art form.
The producers themselves will wish to improve their quality for their own pride.
Artists and creative people live to be praised for their work.
Meanwhile we will name and shame them for their current bad production habits.
Noise
.
“Mom, why can’t dad hear us anymore?”
“You’ll have to speak up dear, I can’t hear you. There’s a documentary on”
Shouts: “Mom, what’s a documentary?”
“It’s a noisy programme on television with a lot of silly sounds dear.”
.
“Mom, why can’t dad hear us anymore?”
“You’ll have to speak up dear, I can’t hear you. There’s a documentary on”
Shouts: “Mom, what’s a documentary?”
“It’s a noisy programme on television with a lot of silly sounds dear.”
.
Quote
.
Quote:
Educarional television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.
Fran Lebowitz, Social studies, 1981
.
Quote:
Educarional television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.
Fran Lebowitz, Social studies, 1981
.
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Priviledge
It is a privilege to be paid a lot of money for having your work broadcast to the nation on the premier channel.
The producers, directors and programme makers are abusing the privilege.
The following programme had awful background music with at least 15 tracks of different styles. Music was not necessary at all. The sounds derbased the programme, tainted the reputations of other members of the production team and patropnised the viewer and licence payer.
BBC 2 Broadcast -5th March 2010 at 9pm
Mastercrafts
Stained Glass
The following people responsible for the production should be ashamed of the poor quality of the broadcast with regard to sound.
Director Emma Walsh
Producer Sara Woodford
Shame on you Emma Walsh and Sara Woodford.
.
.
The producers, directors and programme makers are abusing the privilege.
The following programme had awful background music with at least 15 tracks of different styles. Music was not necessary at all. The sounds derbased the programme, tainted the reputations of other members of the production team and patropnised the viewer and licence payer.
BBC 2 Broadcast -5th March 2010 at 9pm
Mastercrafts
Stained Glass
The following people responsible for the production should be ashamed of the poor quality of the broadcast with regard to sound.
Director Emma Walsh
Producer Sara Woodford
Shame on you Emma Walsh and Sara Woodford.
.
.
Complaints
At the customer service desk of Global Furniture Corp a customer was complaining about the dining room suite he had bought.
He explained to the assistant that the legs of the suite did not reach the floor. The GFC man said that he was sorry but that was one of the new symphony range designed to dazzle and mezmirise diners with its bright finish; it was supposed to be like that. Furthermore, it was the floor that was at fault.
The customer left the store very unhappy. So unhappy he told all his friends who told all their friends etc.
GFC’s sales dropped. Their shares dropped. The corporation went into receivership so fast their feet did not touch the floor.
………………………………………….
You are only as good as your last performance.
In the complaints department of the Giant Broadcasting Corporation a small group of licence payers were complaining that on documentary programmes the words were not reaching their ears. They saw the flashing images and could see the narrator’s lips move but could not receive the words because of very loud music and weird sounds.
The corporation man told them their ears must be at fault because while they had had one or two similar complaints these also must be people whos ears were too far away. Or it was the fault of the television set.
Meanwhile the two major political parties of the country were considering a severe cost cutting excersize for the Corporation and its’ Trust were under scrutiny and funding was going to be cut. The Corporation said they didn’t hear that because their ears must be too far apart.
He explained to the assistant that the legs of the suite did not reach the floor. The GFC man said that he was sorry but that was one of the new symphony range designed to dazzle and mezmirise diners with its bright finish; it was supposed to be like that. Furthermore, it was the floor that was at fault.
The customer left the store very unhappy. So unhappy he told all his friends who told all their friends etc.
GFC’s sales dropped. Their shares dropped. The corporation went into receivership so fast their feet did not touch the floor.
………………………………………….
You are only as good as your last performance.
In the complaints department of the Giant Broadcasting Corporation a small group of licence payers were complaining that on documentary programmes the words were not reaching their ears. They saw the flashing images and could see the narrator’s lips move but could not receive the words because of very loud music and weird sounds.
The corporation man told them their ears must be at fault because while they had had one or two similar complaints these also must be people whos ears were too far away. Or it was the fault of the television set.
Meanwhile the two major political parties of the country were considering a severe cost cutting excersize for the Corporation and its’ Trust were under scrutiny and funding was going to be cut. The Corporation said they didn’t hear that because their ears must be too far apart.
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